I'm sitting here, at adrienne's on my computer - she's asleep in the bedroom across the hall, and outside Charlotte street is quiet and cold. I feel like for the first time a week or more I'm sitting down and collecting. I've got my headphones on and pleasant sounds are coming and going one after another, it's these times for me that while never memorable, are essential. Lately I've been thinking about my time in Olympia, a period that, similar to my time in Australia seems only to exist as a story someone told me, or a dream I can only recall half asleep. Something about these few weeks, rings out similar to me; the sense of under-pinned urgency I've felt day to day, the lack of privacy perhaps, the break down of routine - today on my walk to work, I detoured to the liquor store and then down through college ghetto behind city market and was struck by this overwhelming loneliness... And then with excitement.
I feel like this happens to everyone at this time of the year, whether we care for the holiday's or not, there is this sense of urgency in everything we do, and once it's all over and January opens up all flat cold and empty we sort of coast out on the ice and say... "Now what was all that..."
But for now, I've got more energy and desire to accomplish so many things - tomorrow morning I'll find out if me and Todd will have an apartment, something that I've been very reluctant to blog about since I'm sure I junked the last one with all my bragging. I can't wait, it's been a while since I've had my own place proper, though I'm not complaining about the hospitality I've been shown by everyone, JB, Kyle and Adrienne especially - you guys are the best and I hope robbers break into your houses when I'm there so I can defend you're lives heroically. It's pretty much the only chance I have to pay you back at this point. And lot's of love to everyone else that's given us (todd's surfin' too.) the couch invites, Michelle, Greg and Mandy, Megan and Gahlord - you guys make my life here possible, eventually I'll be less of a shuttin and spend more time sharing the goodtimes.
*** Rising memory alert ***
ok, the random mp3's just provided me with last year's it song "Rebellion (Lies)" - by none other than the Arcade fire*, and all I can think of is this night on the way to Seattle to see Guitar Wolf, laying in the back of my friend Sigmund's station wagon watching out the back window as the bottoms of the over passes zipped by and more and more buildings and street lights stretched out above me - I remember feeling lonely and excited.
*** Songs over ****
It's seems like the end of a year, however much an arbitrary number on a calendar I got for free at Ming's, stirs up so much trouble and thoughts, and no one around seems to be immune either, Todd and Sarah have gone their separate ways, drastically even, with Sarah moving to NYC, and Todd moving in with the far less sexy Me. Sara-paule's father passed away more than two weeks ago, and Ben had to fly all the way back to California to tend to his sick father, Mike and Michelle are worlds away from each other, Kyle is having trouble with school and I won't even get into all the shit JB's going through and has been going through for a while now, and Nest Material, currently a quartet hasn't even practiced in three weeks... Everyone around me is dealing with something and I know this is common year round, but I feel like the holidays are almost like a bottleneck for emotions and tribulations; loneliness and excitement...
I can't really say where I'm going with this, often times I get these feelings and thoughts that stay just over there in the corners of my mind and don't present themselves fully - I think I like it that way however, having to fully understand something can be tedious, and tends to take up to much of my time.
*yes, i like this album... there, i said it.