Highgate

Sunday

Where's that damn dog?

Holy moley. Last night, was a lot of fun, I think for the first time in many a year (at least 3) I've enjoyed New Year. Last year, I was... hmm... I think I was Somewhere in the Badlands with Sarah paule, at some crappy motel, we celebrated with a bottle of champagne, and watched the ball drop on a dirty old TV set. The years before, can't say I remember - but usually it involves me drunk and asleep before midnite... But not this year! This new year I celebrated, and did so with vigor. I have a lot to celebrate, and a lot to look forward too; I won't include the list, cause it changes regularly, but suffice to say, I feel like this past year has been exceptionally trying for me, and because of that, exceptionally rewarding; ok, maybe I'll note a few things; Evergreen State, taught me that I can compete academically, and infact do quite well (if I do say so myself...) The end of my relationship with SP, matured me in many ways, and my relationship with Adrienne taught me so much about myself, and what it takes to really be available to someone in a relationship (sadly, I don't know how available I am at this point in my life.) She helped me feel confident about myself again, in my mind and my thoughts, and was just the best listener; we used to pray for rain, so we could stay indoors all day, snuggled up with our books and laptops and each other.
I learned this year that I can't run away from my problems, that new cities and new faces, won't make a difference if I'm still the same, and when I returned to Vermont after crossing almost the entirety of the American south, it was new again. I learned that even if you don't like the work you're doing, you should do it well regardless, and coming from an ex-ex-worker, that's a quite a statement. I learned that my friends love me, and that I love them; I've learned to take the time I need for myself so that I can be available to my friends more often. I've learned to love my family regardless, and because of that, Christmas this year, though draining, was not unbearable, and I was able to look at so many of them and beam with love.
I learned how to play the drums, though JB may disagree, I'm getting that much better! The guitar is coming back into my life as well, and I'm feeling so much more confident with my playing abilities. This year was also the year of the Mind Numbing stage fright, more than any other year I've been forced to come to terms with my stage fright; when I was I think... in sixth grade I wrote a poem about some of my teachers who I liked, and it got published as the foreword in the year book; I was asked to read it infront of the entire student body; I managed to get through about three words before I blacked out and fell over. Ever since then, I've avoided public performance, and this year, I've played more shows with Nest Material than ever before, and even had to read some of my short fiction to a large student body. It hasn't been easy, my body, has a reaction that I can only describe as severe-flight, I actually get tired, I start yawning, like my body's is trying to make me go to sleep to avoid performance; on stage it becomes a matter of focus, I pay attention only to the music. Still, the days leading up to shows were hell, as Adrienne can probably attest, I get very distant and distracted and can't sleep at all. In the end though, I played, and enjoyed myself, and everytime it gets a little easier, or if not easier, it gets more manageable, I've learned things to cope, like drinking whiskey. That works really well. Whiskey is liquid confidence. Who's with me? I've learned so much more besides, though most lessons, are so much more ambiguous, maybe next year I'll understand them.

Ok, this post is way too long and poorly written, I'm hung over and hungry and I haven't even talked about what I wanted to originally, which was last night. So to sum up, JB + Kyle's house was a rockin' James brown was blasting out of the TV set and the folks were shaking what their mom's gave them. I met a few new folks, Tommy and Nicole, a lovely couple (Tommy is wearing the sombrero, Nicole is getting her hair braided by Sarah) that is apparently part of the bookclub, that I need to start going to cause I like books, and reading is fun. I also met the lovely Emily (in the blue dress) who I was quite smitten with, she plays the dulcimer, and the violin; hubba hubba. Skinnyapolis kept on trying to get me to dance, unsuccessfully, but later after the dance party died down I snuck in a few timid hip wiggles, or as jb calls it, "the tanner dance". A bunch of us made our way to the Narthex where another righteous party was going on, and I was able to say happy new year and give hugs to many of my extended Burlington family, including Herb and Amanda, Luke and Jeremy, Johnny, Aaron and Ryan and so on, I think I danced there for a minute or two as well, but only cause Amanda grabbed me and I was like "hey, hey hey." (I got a kiss I got a kiss...) ahem, So that went on for a while, the party I mean, and I had a good drunken conversation with herb for a while that consisted of "I love you man, you... you're, you, I love you.." Or "We're the coolest people at pure pop, wha? Yeah I know... Totally the coolest, know what else is cool, Bloodsport... yeah with Van Damm..." I may have made that last part up, but at this point I was about 10 in the hole, so eh.
At some point I went home, not before deciding to drive (WTF?) back to JB's house, and recruit Jared and Katie to come back to my place to have more drinks; and watch the Terminator. At one point I decided that I was really really drunk, and that I probably have been for a while now, and that this margarita I made was probably giving me alcohol poisoning. I think it was just that I had had such a great night I didn't want it to end, but I went to bed reluctantly; good night 2005 the year that kind of sucked, but in a good way.

But now i'm sitting here drinking lots of water and eating advil and i'm wondering, has anyone see that damn dog? You know the one...


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Link City:
For more pictures check out Mandy's Blog!
Prof. Plum, the man behind the board game.
The Cronic"What"cles of Narnia (Google maps is the best, true dat, double true!)
Super beautiful amateur nature pics from the national wildlife federation
Push Button, recieve bacon
latitude 44.2N (vermont blog) interesting post about heating w/ wood
This one is the best, anyone remember Monster Squad? Remember the Wolfman?
How bout, the truffle shuffle!

7 comments:

The Le Duo said...

tanner. remember for the last cople of months when i've been all 'do you know that cute sweet girl at the seamonster who plays dulcimer and i'm all smitten with?' thats emily! what a cutie. and also, I've now read two blogs celebrating my james brown dance party without ANY pics of me! whatever

JB

Anonymous said...

emily is single, dudes.

Anonymous said...

i'll just suffer silently like always

jb

Tmoore said...

.... interesting.... would any anonymous entry writers know a certain someones phone number perhaps?

Anonymous said...

you could myspace her band
ben

Animal Parade said...

I wanna call her, too. That girl's fun.

Anonymous said...

that girl is so rad boys who DON'T want to date her must not be that smart. http://www.myspace.com/hammerandsaw
i officially feel weird talking about this over the internet.
tanner, i like your dance. jb, you throw one hell of a james brown dance down! thank you!

*angela*