Riding in... Something I guess.

About Four months ago I wrote about my beloved stereo getting stolen; it was one of my prized possessions, one of my only actually - it had been a gift to myself before I headed across the country to Olympia. Nothing too fancy really; JVC with a lot of flashing lights, it played mp3 CD's though which was awesome. On the way across the country me and my intrepid co-pilot SP timed the trip to take exactly the amount of time it would take to listen to two discs of the BBC Radio production of "The Lord of the Rings" per day. Brilliant.

If anyone out there ever has plans of a trip across the northern wastes in a beat up old Toyota in the middle of winter, might I recommend this 14 CD set as your companion; nothing, and I mean nothing compares to doing 15 mph in the Rockies in the middle of a blizzard, watching cars pull over, and passing a blinking "No cars without chains past this point" sign while simultaneously Mr. Frodo and Samwise are braving the perils of Mount Doom. I might be so bold as to suggest, it was those brave little hobbits, that got us over those mountains....

Anyway - So it was stolen, and it sucked. And for the rest of winter I was driving around with my headphones on listening to my Ipod. Balls; It was not an ideal situation... Have you ever tried to drive with headphones on? You're a menace to society, I might as well have been retarded, or old. I wouldn't even get out of the way for Fire engines till they were right up beside me... But I had to be bide my time; I have about.... Oh.... 13 dollars and change for scratch money a month; that's if I leave out slush puppies, and I REFUSE to leave out slush puppies.

But finally I saved up enough and with the help of eBay I purchased a new player... Ironically and insultingly enough, a used stock tape deck, one that came in the fucker when it came off the assembly line 10 years ago. But it only cost 15 bucks and shipping so whatever; summers coming and I gotta have music and the windows down, cigarettes and Morrissey and modern lovers and PBR chocolate milk.

The problem is, now that I have a stereo, what's keeping it from getting stolen again - I mean, the same predicament still stands, my dash is totally fucked from the previous, previous stereo jacking (not this last one, but the one before it.), and my doors don't lock anymore. I could try to strap it in somehow, but that'd probably get my dash even more torn up; (nothing pleases a stereo thief more.)

The only thing I can do, and have done, is try and appeal to Mr/Mrs would be stereo thief's basic humanity, and possibly more effectivly, their economic sensibility. Attached to the stereo is a letter I wrote that reads:

To the Stereo Thief whom it may concern,

You hold in your hands the last shred of it's owners faith in humanity. If you must have this tape deck, and though Karma, in all her indifference and absence, may never, nay, WILL never reign down her idle and mysterious fury on you for such a crime, know this; it is only worth about 10 bucks, the display doesn't work, and whenever I hit a bump, the fucking volume goes up and down.

So ask yourself, is this worth it? And if it...And you only want to spite me, than by all means, rip it out, and then if you would, stand with it on the hood, pausing only for a moment, and let the cool night breeze blow through your long, greasy hair, that's freedom my friend, can you feel it? And then with all the energy left in your body drive it as hard as you fucking can through the drivers side windshield.

Thank you, Good night.

That second bit i just made up, thought it would add to the mood. Of course i didn't write it in the note, that'd just be stupid.


thief said...

Tanner- I apologize, man. I was really hard up and needed that last $75 to pay the rent so thats why I took it. So, next time I'm shy a little scratch for rent dig, instead of stealing your shitty stock stereo, I'll go back to my old time-tested fund raising method- hand jobs in that alley next to Akes Place


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Hello Tanner,
T Messier here Brian gave me your URL... Pretty cool.
We need to hang out sometime!

jds said...

I had a busted stock tape deck stolen out of a barely running, but still locked, 86 Volvo wagon. They also stole the battery, my sandals, a ginger brew (actually left the empty bottle on the floor, just took the liquid), and apparently had sex on the back seat (evidence: fresh condom stuck to the seat). The funny thing is that while all the rediculousness and nonsensical theivery was going on I was having one of the best days of my life. Karma or not, it's all about balance. And that shithole of a situation brought me back down to earth.

The lesson I learned: fuck it. Theives can do what they want, but they sure the hell aren't going to slow me down. I can't predict our anticipate their moves, so I might as well let it be and do my own thing. Bra.

Tmoore said...

Well put JDS, and sorry bout that condom... thought i grabbed both of them...

bobby domino said...

A few years ago my car was stolen after a gig in Burlington. It was a 1989 dodge colt wagon (the Cadillac of wagons). this car was the biggest piece of junk I've ever owned. I left it running in a friends driveway for about 1 minute. When I came out of the house the car was gone. About 10 minutes later i found the car abandoned in the middle of the road with the keys in the ignition and my back pack missing. i don't tell this story often because a certain local jazz hero's amp (that I was borrowing) was in the way back. i don't know why they left it. you've gotta love meat heads.