Highgate

Tuesday

Craptacular

So, the Omen remake completely sucks, what a shocker. I don't really even know where to begin, but I'll start with Julia Stiles, who couldn't act her way out of something wet and delicate. Then there's Liev Shreiber, aka Cotton Weary, who tries desperately to give a shit at all. Together they're a force to be reckoned with; a force of sheer boredom. Damien was stupid too, at least the original had a funny hat.
The two most interesting characters, the priest and the journalist played by Pete Postlewaite and David Thewlis respectively, get no love, and die as per the original script in gruesome (but not gruesome enough for this guy) "final destination" style coups de grace. Yawn.
David Thewlis for almost the entire movie stood around acting non-chalant chewing some everlasting stick of juicy fruit, THIS was acting, this was more interesting than anything else that happened. This man, has talent! Have you seen Island of Dr. Moreau (the remake.) that movie was, wait, no that movie sucked too. But, wait... val Kilmer was in it so, that's not his fault. Naked! There we go. Good movie (but so was Real Genius, I digress.)
And then there were the special effects shots and the "scares". Since nothing new or interesting happens in this movie, and since the original which I quite enjoyed, relies on a few little techniques called "Suspense" and "mood", which this movie obviously does not, the director decided to throw in a couple montagey dream scenes involving some loud noises, and a nice cliche'd "I'm looking in the mirror oh NO! What's that horned robed demon thing being reflected from behind me, oh my, it's gone now!" Horseshit.
By the end of the first quarter of the movie the audience at the theater pretty much had it nailed down, most people laughed heartily at almost ever ridiculous line, and every over the top menacing look from damien. Luckily I enjoyed it for that sake, though I can't help feeling like I just lost two hours of my life I'll never get back, two hours I could have spent blogging about navel lint.

On the upside, I did finally get to see a trailer for "The Descent" which is stirring up a buzz in all the right places, and is shaping up to be a real scare.

Fun Factoid
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"A fragment from the oldest surviving copy of the New Testament, dating to the Third century, gives the more mundane 616 as the mark of the Antichrist.

Ellen Aitken, a professor of early Christian history at McGill University, said the discovery appears to spell the end of 666 as the devil's prime number.

"This is a very nice piece to find," Dr. Aitken said. "Scholars have argued for a long time over this, and it now seems that 616 was the original number of the beast."
- cutesy of religionnewsblog

6 comments:

casey said...

My thoughts exactly. The audience I saw it with (The Majestic, 9:45 p.m.) were laughing at everything, and I with them. Mia Farrow is one sexy older lady, though. Hot damn! She can be my wetnurse any day of the week!

I didn't see the trailer for "The Descent." And I'm moderately up on horror films. What's the deal? Apparently the critics are down. But they liked Shrek, so what the fuck do they know?

I'm gonna watch a spate of early Polanski to cleanse my palate of this wretched Omen remake.

Tmoore said...

casey, should throw the orginal wickerman in there;

did you catch the preview for the wickerman remake staring nickolas cage? which will probably make the omen remake look like the orginal nosferatu. barf.

btw, i got a "preview copy" of the descent, when i'm done with it your welcome to borrow it.

The Le Duo said...

you're both right- the omen redux sucked- the acting was shit, the things they changed were lame, and the things that remained the same were boring. But I gotta say, I havent had that much fun at the movies for a long while. Bugenhagen! Bugenhagen! Mia Farrow is so hot I would like to date her, while at the same time carry on a secret love affair with her adopted questionably-aged daughter.

casey said...

Tan-Man: I love Wickerman. That preview wounded me deeply. How ignorant is Hollywood to do a remake and not hire Devendra or Feathers Family for the soundtrack?

TLD: Which daughter? She's got, like, 50 of 'em. Angelina Joilie is desperately trying to catch up. Speaking of the Antichrist, Who says it has to be a boy? I'm nominating Shiloh-Jolie-Pitt as Uber Satanic Progeny.

Also, I'd very much like to see "Descent."

greg davis said...

wickerman remake is gonna suck big time im sure.

Animal Parade said...

I just watched the trailer for the new wicker man and I can't believe how horrible it looks. How can they even call it the wicker man, since they changed the entire story? Bees? I'm outraged. Yes, wicker man the original and dawn of the dead the original are my two favorite movies.