Top 41 things to do before taking a roadtrip across the United States.

About 4 years ago i moved to Olympia WA to get some schooling at the Evergreen State College, also just to get out of dodge for a while. A few days before leaving on Christmas morning, my friends threw me a going away party. Earlier that evening i was in serious packing mode, and had started a list on my PC containing what i needed to remember to do before leaving. I'd only written down 3 things before people started arriving.
At some point during the party - someone opened that list and throughout the night drunkards took turns adding list items; the results are what follow.

Might i also add, "good lord..." and that i have the bestest friends ever.

1. Get the truck tuned up
a. Pack clothes
b. Camera
c. Cell phone
2. Get food for trip
3. Sign up for classes
5. Throw a big party yeah!!!!!!
6. wake up with a tampon in my ass
7. eat out bob evans
8. pull at u.s. road atlas (cum receptacle)
9. find quickest route to graceland
10. pick the corn out of my poo
11. sigh with relief
12. call up my friend todd and tell him he is the hunkiest motha fucka this side of frankfurt
13. sleep with a homeless man
14. drive by aids clinic and flip them off
15. delouse
16. sigh with relief
17. get in car
18. drive with vengeance
19. call friend tyler and tell him he is the greatest speller, ever.
20. Live on a prayer
21. Bang girls to cover my homo-ness
22. fuck madonna
23. do coke while fucking madonna
24. let madonna blow line off of rock-hard penile
25. junk up madonna's butt
26. thank JB for the condoms
27. make madonna wear her bra UNDER her clothes
28. waaa waaa waaaaahhh\
29. dudes. dudes and booze.
30. pull over to nearest rest area and sleep off all the fucking
31. drive to bay area and visit all the rest areas
32. rest while some guy plays with your area
33. sigh with relief
34. pull into olympia with raging desire and sweaty palms
35. sigh with relief
36. if transcendance is a tool of the gifted, may Tanner combine the elements to hack through the mediocrity of American "values" and comb his hair...or blow dry, if you will...
37. blow coke off a stripper's tits
38. be like, "who the fuck wrote number 36?"
39. then be like "whoop there it is!"
40. ok, so it was that guy in the green shirt with the nose rings. (see # 38)
41. it's been awhile....remember that time we blew coke off the private pilot whale? It drew ambergris like nothing else, and let's perfume ourselves with bellyoils of magnificent animals


josh said...

I did a homeless man once for booze.

Tanner M. said...

I think it's safe to say, we've all done a homeless guy for booze.

jay said...

My favorite is #15.

I'm going to make it a concerted effort to start using the term "homo-ness" in everyday conversation.

the le duo said...

oh and i win cause i think the homo-ness was mine! yes! wait, i mean i wrote the homo-ness, not i am a homo-ness... got it?

Tanner M. said...

Look it, we all got our pictures next our names!

my fav is probably "eat out bob evans."

Anonymous said...

that list is pure comedy magic. tanner, how come i never got that call?

and just to set the record straight (sic)... I am bob evans.


Tanner M. said...


I figured it was you - that list has Todd written all over it. I owe you a call, you shall be receiving it soon :)

Anonymous said...

i don't remember. some of it sounds like it coulda been me, but there's no way i wrote it all. is there different handwriting?

anyway, i was simply refering to how you used to eat me out. and call me Bob.

Anonymous said...

i just figured it out. that list has adam lukens smeared all fucking over it. you owe us both a call.


Tanner M. said...

(!) Lukens...

my arch nemesis, i should have known...