Highgate

Friday

I'm Disgusting...

This came out of my right ear last night. As i fired a jet of warm water into my ear it came hurling out onto the sink basin along with a sensation i can only describe as surfacing from underwater. My right ear could breath again! As i looked down at what my head had birthed my elation quickly turned into muted horror, and then just ask quickly into fascination... I was transfixed!
It was a perfect mold of my inner-ear, all rusty and spongy, something that would give Cronenberg reason to pause and reflect. I called Jenny in to see - i needed a witness. Strangely enough she wasn't as thrilled as i was, probably because she'd just finished cleaning the sink. But i suspected she was jealous.


There was more, bits and pieces flushed out all over the place, I'd been working on this particular ear for a couple days - letting a combination of hydrogen peroxide and this oily over the counter stuff eat away at what must easily have been an 8 year collection of wax and dirt. When it was in my ear i could hear it on the inside of my skull pecking away at it, like a bowl of rice krispies in my brain.

Tonight, i attack the left ear.

15 comments:

casey said...

You are a Gross McGee.

What does Jenny think of your repellent ear offal?

If I was dating you, this would be the moment I split for Milwaukee or some other far-off place. Like Vergennes, maybe.

Gross. McGee.

Tanner M. said...

I can't speak for Jenny on this matter - perhaps she'll chime in, but i'd be willing to wager a bet that jenny's got a bit of a grossout-fetish, i mean she'd have to to date me.

in other news, has anyone seen my girlfriend?

Yarnhog said...

What the HELL is that?!

Undead Molly said...

I wanna do it!!! How did you do it? I need explicit instructions.

Tanner M. said...

first off; your result may vary - i have since childhood had problems with cronic ear infections, tubes, all that jazz, so subsequently i think my ears produce more wax, or as i like to think of it, Golden Honey of the gods.

anyway. you can go to brookes or riteade or the grocery store and buy a kit that contains this oily liquid with 6% carbamide peroxide and a little squirt bottle thingy... if you don't want to spent 10 bucks, just take a bottle of common hydrogen peroxide (i actually thought this worked better.) lay your head on a pillow and have your loving other (chris in your case.) drip it into your ear till it's full - you'll feel it start working, it will literally feel like little termites crawling around inside your head, which is both amazing and unbelievably uncomfortable.
After, let it drain out, cover it with a cloth, and do the otherside, repeat, and then when you think you've loosened it up enough, fill a glass with saline or warm water and hose your ear canal with the little squirt bottle, if things are loosened up enough, you'll be amazed at what comes out! You can also jump in the shower and use the water from the shower head, but if your like me you want to be able to collect the findings for further research.

the le duo said...

now that you can hear, maybe you'll finally come around and realize new order arent that good ;)

Flatlander said...

What hath God wrought?!?!

How much better is your hearing today?

Tanner M. said...

On the contrary JB. Now i can finally hear all those pulsing hihats and trilling synth lines even better!

flatlander - i can't tell you how much better i can hear, in the past it's gotten so bad usually when i get an infection where it sounds to me like i'm underwater, when that sucker popped out it was exactly the sensation of surfacing out of water, it was just a sudden "Wooosh!" as air and sound roared back into my open canal... it was amazing :D

jay said...

I had a bad cerumen impaction a couple years ago that made me lose 90% of my hearing in my left ear for a couple days. It was horrible. I had to go to an ear/nose/throat doctor and they sucked it out with some machine. Still didn't look as nasty as the resin ball that came out of yours though.

Congratulations on giving birth to nasty.

Undead Molly said...

YAY! I'm totally going to do that this weekend. It's like an ear enema. I'm so excited.

Tanner M. said...

Jay I was deeply impacted by cerumen - Cerumen the White!


... that's a lord of the...rings... reference... nevermind.

The ARBitrator said...

I had my right ear cleansed this past spring as well. . . still feels like theres something in there, though. >_o

I hope you don't photograph what happens if you ever decide to cleanse your digestive system! XP

I'll run away screaming. . .

Undead Molly said...

I did it on Saturday. Nothing came out. So I did it again yesterday - still nothing. I guess I don't produce enough earwax for anything fun to happen. I'm so disappointed.

But I have an almost-full bottle of Debrox if anyone else wants to try!

Tanner M. said...

sorry to hear you didn't have any luck - i would imagine that if you keep your ears cleaned normally this sort of thing wouldn't be apt to happen. sadly.

But do remember that my doctor said do it for a week. I'm still doing it - and still getting junk out, i had another eaxplosion, this time out of my left ear over the weekend. and i'm still getting residue out of both ears... who knows, maybe some of us are just born lucky like myself.

Mandy D said...

Next time you see me, ask me about the kidney stone that came out of my nose a couple nights ago after using a Neti Pot.