I woke up this morning, sat up - and looked around, Jenny and Oldham were no where to be found. Actually it was 12:30pm. I swung my legs out of bed, and pulled back the curtain, it was sunny out. I had two water glasses on the sill, the big one, was more than half full. The little one however, was empty.

Yesterday i got laid off. My job got outsourced to a couple douche-bags from Montreal called Number of Names. I'm a little pissed. But you know, actually i feel pretty good, besides this splitting headache and a void where last night between 1pm and now should be. I gotta say, I'm kind of excited. I've hated this job of mine for a good while now, about six months ago the company (a small upstart web based marketing firm.) came under new management through a Canadian based group, they quickly and quietly fired about 50% of the people i worked with, about 12 people (like, i said, small.) They then took most of operations and all that junk up to Montreal, leaving our Burlington branch sort of hanging in breeze.

Let me analogize this. I felt sort of like, K-Cos in Dances with Wolves. Living in his hut out on the frontier (my cubical in a barely occupied office.) with only my trusty horse (my ipod) and curious native Americans (The internet) to keep me company. And my wits. That can be my Dreamcast i had setup in the break room.

Anyway. So work trickled in, mainly a little "slap some makeup on this", "give me 15 variations of color and font for that", perhaps a "can you design this site from the ground up over the course of about 8 total revisions and 4 months so we can then outsource this motherfucker to some assholes who've never worked in web before and have no idea what Photoshop is?" thanks, sure thing ass.

So to quote Bob Dylan, i had a job in the great north woods, working as a cook for a spell, but i never did like it all that much and one day the ax just fell. Just replace cook with web designer. So currently I'm considering heading to New Orleans so i can get a job on a fishing boat, right outside of Delacroix. That, or I'm gonna find work around here somewhere, preferably in the design field. I'm also thinking of going back to school, part time, to finish my degree. I wonder what kind of credits i can get transfered from a Sound Engineering school in Sydney and a year of Philosophy and English lit from Evergreen. . . . Shit.

Unemployed for the Holidays - I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.

But like i said, I'm strangely not that concerned, i mean, i am a little bit. But i got some savings, and I'll go on unemployment if i can't find work through the holidays, but in the meantime I'm still doing freelance work (thanks Gene Simmons.) - it seems like everyone needs someone with my kind of skills. (no not those skills.) Right? But I'll keep you all, my dear sweet readers, in the know, as i plan on documenting every embarrassing, boring detail of my unemployment.

Why? Why not. I'm unemployed, i got nothing better to do.


josh said...

Sorry to hear it, man, but if you were already miserable at your job, consider it a blessing. You're an intelligent guy with a sweet beard, so finding work around here shouldn't be a problem. And hell, if all else fails, I'll hire you on as a part-time nanny for Genevieve. You can just come in for an hour or two each day and take over my job of playing freaky-ass music for her. Most parents are all concerned with shoving a soccer ball or softball glove at their kids by now. Me? I'm devoting my energy to getting Genevieve used to avant music so I don't have to listen to Hannah Montana in nine years...

Casey said...

Was Jenny married when you first met. . . soon to be divorced?

I feel your unemployment pain, but I'm sure you'll be just fine. Maybe you can ask Mr. Simmons for a little extra for the holidays. You know, like Bob Cratchett and Scrooge. 'Cept in this case, Scrooge is a douchebag over-the hill rocker.

vanessa said...

hi. i just got shit canned too. also a web designer. fuckers have spent a whole lot of time telling us we need to keep our files organized so anyone else can pick up where we left off. i'm damn glad i made mine as complicated and non-intuitive as i could.

Tanner M. said...

Thanks guys,

That was the one big thing that i've heard from people - you got fired during the holiday season? That's a big no-no in the business ethics department.
But i can easily say that the company i worked for is completely bankrupt in that department.

Vanessa, sorry to hear that - here's to us finding work with more appreciative employers.
My files are currently spread across 2 desktops and 2 fileservers. all password protected.
They didn't give me any severence, but told me they'd let me stay and work for two more weeks or until i felt like i'd finalized all my projects and handed them over... gee thanks.
I'm gonna go in around, 1:30 monday afternoon, to pick up my USB mouse, my dreamcast and erase my personal files. I'll let them try and figure out the rest.

Undead Molly said...

I think we should pitch a reality show idea to Bill Simmon - we pit all the unemployed web designers in the area against each other for food stamps, cash, and booze.

Oh, I make stupid jokes when I don't know what to say. I'm sorry Tanner. I trust that if there is anything we can do to help you'll let us know.

vanessa said...

your former employers sound remarkably like mine. i've been hearing the same thing- "geez, just before the holidays..." AND i was also graciously offered to stay on for two weeks to finalize my projects but was told i had to act upbeat and positive because the layoffs were very stressful to the rest of the employees. how the fuck they can actually utter things like that is...just breathtaking.

Tanner M. said...

sons of bitches....

yeah, my boss was this sort of a classic whiny spineless fella named Leonard. Only thing was that he had this hideous air of pleasantness and formality that he draped over everything he did as though we couldn't tell his motivations and general lack of ethics, tact or decency.
Of all the various business suit types i had to deal with regularly, he was most loathed. I much preferred dealing with my megalomaniac, coke snorting, wannabe machiavelli CEO, who'd walk around the office uttering things like.... "Be the ball, Tanner.... be the ball...." and "Nuh nuh nuh nuh...." and laugh hysterically at the idea of making poor midwesterner's shell out 40$ for some internet scheme that they'd never actually be able to use.

At least with him, i knew where he stood. I could almost respect his honesty.

Tanner M. said...

Len, when he was laying me off gave me one of those... "If it were up to me..." [ remorseful head shake. ]


Flatlander said...

To add to the chorus, during the holidays?!?!? What sort of soulless Canucks are we dealing with here? And who the hell outsources something to Canada?!?!?

If they're offering you two weeks of pay, I'd take it. Just go in and dick around for a few hours each day. Just for the principal of the thing, take the cash. Oh, and take advantage of any health benefits you have in those two weeks too. Get that comprehensive physical you've been putting off.

By the way, the alternate lyrics (from the Minneapolis recording session for that album) to that Dylan verse are:

I drifted down to L.A.
where I reckon to try my luck
working for a while in an airplane plant
loading cargo onto a truck.

I'm not so sure how strong the airplane manufacturing business is in SoCal these days but it's another idea.

Seriously, sorry to hear the news and best of luck in your search for a new spot to slide your mouse.

Jennifer said...

oh babe, i am sorry that things worked out this way with those heartless cads up there in canada, but somehow it's fitting. i for one can't wait to treat your darling unemployed ass to a few things since it means you won't have to chip away at your soul one scam at a time for that money hungry company. fresh start tan, it's a blessing babe, i can feel it.

Anonymous said...

Like I've been saying, I'd like to go a few rounds with the Canadian on Boxing Day.