Tonight was the first night in what feels like a very long time that i went out with my friends and acted like a young man. Which is from what i gather, i am. Life is an interesting thing, and aside from blanket statements like that, it is otherwise indescribable. I should say that I'm a little drunk. But I'm going to write any how. I went out with the band/friends tonight, there was a Halloween party at our Studio tonight, we were asked to play but i think we all felt like there was a lot to do in the next few weeks and we'd all rather just take it easy till then so we decided not to. I was pretty happy about that, as much as i love my band, playing live is something that ends up being 51/49 anxiety to fun. Back tracking........... Work was pretty long and busy today, whereas most mornings involve me taking my time experimenting on how to make the perfect pot of Maxwell House (impossible.), scrolling down through boingboing.net, (so that's what the shadow of a 4th dimensional object looks like... cool.) reading the latest music reviews (reading dusted, cokemachineglow, Aquarius (everyone other week), and when it's really slow scrolling around twisted village and forcedexposure), and perhaps making a few new artist cards (made a new one for The Decemberists yesterday looks like the cover of the first EP...), or answering and random phone call or two (“Yes we're open, we close at 9.... yes we do have Jurassic 5 tickets.... no we don't give student prices....) i spent the entire day multitasking my ass off with Herb, sue and Mike. I gotta say though, where as a year ago, a day like today would have ended with me feeling terrible, thanks to mike flipping out or me not knowing what i needed to do, today felt good. I got a lot done, kept busy, Mike seems to finally be mellowing out, and Herb and Sue are the two best people in the world to work with.
Afterwork (ouch, i think I'm getting arthritis in my left pinky...) i came home, ok i gotta stop this hurts...
Posted by Tanner M. at 2:57 AM
Tomorrow i have the day off, the weather outside is still warm enough that i should take a drive and then even a walk somewhere and relax, get out of this house, get away from people and do some real thinking. I've been reading this book that Adrienne's dad gave me called “The sanity we are born with” and even though the name sounds corny as hell, it's quite well written. It's basically a Buddhist guide to Western psychology written by Scott's guru. I just finished reading Movable Feast (Hemingway) and currently I'm also reading The Informers by Brett Easton Ellis and some travelogue expose style memoir of this guy who moves to Phenom Phen. I got the Hemingway and the Ellis from Adam and Rachel's old apartment a few weeks ago when i helped them move out. They're in New York City now. I also inherited some other junk, a letrec print or two, and a lamp that Adam made out of some old hardcover books, and which is currently growing mold in the back of my pickup truck. The Ellis is a little Blah, so far... the Hemingway was amazing, and i haven't liked him in the past; his sentences about writing i think changed how i write more than anything in years. “Write one true thing, then write another.” it's much harder than it sounds. I'm already thinking about how this might end up being a blog. But tomorrow, actually today since it's currently 2:20. Take a walk, find a quiet place, listen to some good music, and think about what's going on right then only. Attempt meditation even.
Posted by Tanner M. at 2:39 PM
It's been quiet a while since I've written down my thoughts in journal form, i think the last time i did so was when i was living with Shawn Chaney over on Saint Paul street, three years ago. A lot has changed for me, in me, since then and i think it's about time to take inventory on those changes. Winter is setting in, the leaves are changing and soon i will be looking for a new home, as I've worn out my welcome here with my girlfriend and her family, a living arrangement that i fear was never in any way a good idea to begin with. It could have been my lack of options (re: Money), or my fear of living in Highgate again, perhaps even a desire to be with a family again. I do wonder how that is, and i often feel like i wasn't given a proper family upbringing, my sister and i often over beers will talk about this; how we practically raised ourselves (not to mention how good a job we've done.)
There are as many reasons as leaves on the ground but i can't say any of them were good ones. I need my own home, someplace sustainable, small, cozy something i can afford and something that i can make my own and use for my own purposes. Winters coming. It feels good to write in here again.
Posted by Tanner M. at 2:25 PM