Highgate

Friday

A pressing issue
(... on my bladder.)


So i went into the company Pissour this afternoon, which contains 2 urinals, one normal height one little person height, and one stall. A fellow employee of average to above average height was in the process of using the little one for whatever reason, it's best not to dwell on that - but either way, i decided to do my business in the stall. The thing is, even if neither of the pissers were occupied i'd still opt for the stall, i don't have a problem peeing next to another person, doesn't bother me one bit; i've seen wangs, i've seen people holding onto wangs, i've played varsity hockey.

But as i was standing in the stall peeing i couldn't help but wonder - how this might seem to the dude on the otherside of the stall wall, outside the safety and privacy of my own personal green-zone. Weirdo, can't pee next to another guy, what's he hiding, etc etc... i can imagine what goes through the substance starved mind of a urinating office worker. I mean, this is what goes through mine. It's friday and i'm an hour away from freedom, i haven't done a godam thing for 2 days cause my sites launched on monday.

Here's the thing. Here's the question really. I'd really appreciate some feedback on this; It seems apparent to me that they're a flawed design, unless i'm using them wrong, which could be, but ok, for the sake of clarity, you just point your peter at either the back wall, or somewhere towards the bottom and shoot. It's not rocket science, it seems obvious to me, yet every time i've ever done this, at some point, i get the inevitable splash back. I get sprayed with either a fine mist of my own urine or a solid reflected burst of yellow gold, there's NOTHING i can do, or so it seems. I've tried everything to find that sweetspot, I've calculated all the angles, tried to flush first then go, even standing 4-5 feet away from the wall and banging out a golden arch ( this works sometimes.)

So is it just par for the course? I'd like to know - If that's the case, i guess I'd much rather look like a prudish, insecure man-child who has to retreat to the safety of the stall.

I don't want pee-pee on my jeans.

7 comments:

jay said...

Apparently there is a urinal "sweet-spot" (i read an article about it a couple of years ago; some company was painting a housefly where it is so guys could aim at it) but god knows I haven't been able to find it (I, too, have fell victim to splashback on many an occasion).

Here's my pet peeve--the bathroom at work has four urinals. Anytime I'm taking a leak and no one else there, someone ALWAYS has to stand at the one right next to me. WTF is up with that? I don't have a problem if every other urinal is taken up, but do people not understand the value of personal space? Are you that lonely for human contact that you have to stand two inches from me when you're unplugging the cooler?

Sorry...just always miffs me off.

Undead Molly said...

i enjoy being a girl.

greg davis said...

i sit down when available.

the le duo said...

i pee in the urinal next to the one i'm ponied up at- that way if is splashes-back, it hits some other asshole.

Tanner M. said...

The interesting thing about all this is that after asking quite a few pee-ple about their urinary habits, i've found that more than a few do the sitting down to pee, which is something i've never concidered unless i'm.... multi-tasking... as it were.
But after thinking about it, it really makes sense, well, providing you're not in a hurry and at least for me, its not a public restroom, i try to minimize contact w/ any surface in a restroom. I use my feet for most everything, except wiping, but that's what yoga's for.

Yarnhog said...

Okay, I don't know you, but I'm the mother of three boys, and the wife of one, and I can tell you without the slightest doubt that Everybody Sprays. Can't help it. Nothing you can do. I haven't seen a dry bathroom floor in ten years. My sister tells me "polite men sit," but she's a lesbian, so I'm skeptical about her sources.

Tanner M. said...

Yarnhog - thanks for weighing in, your story reminds me of my childhood bathroom; there was a floor radiator that ran along the wall next to our toilet, and after a few years the area closest to the seat, was completely rusted. And there were only two boys in our household, my dad and I.